the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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