We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
