got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
