I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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