so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
