I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
be right there i have to get my cape
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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