yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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