Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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