operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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