Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's blow job season.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
