My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
