Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
