I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
