I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
