She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
