Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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