I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
