I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
