if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
