btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
