I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
