My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
