drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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