come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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