The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
