Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
