I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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