I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
