Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
