We're like a lot better than the average bears
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
