the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
