Who wears a wallet chain?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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