Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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