Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
