broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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