Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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