Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
