That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just cropdusted the office
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
