Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
