eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
