Pants 0. Shit 1.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pants are for mortals
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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