im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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