Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
