I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
