If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
