My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
