pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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