Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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