I think i peed on brittanys purse
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
