I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
