At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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