I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
