i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
